Just thoughts

I'm two opposing versions of myself. Dualities, in fact, seem to be the theme lately. Perhaps not just lately, but in my entire life. I feel like I'm growing a lot right now, and learning more about myself as well as the cruelties of the world. It's amazing the trivialities that consume when one spends all of precious youth drinking and fucking away the opportunities that actually matter. I'm in a total kick of self analysis, and I feel like I'm getting to know myself like a friend I had lost touch with. I can't recall ever feeling more alone than in the present, but I need this. I need to just be and to feel comfortable without yearning for a familiar shoulder. I don't know how to be alone, and I've perfected the art of not having to be, whether it be real or perceived. There's so much more to life than chasing and loving, and I feel like I've been missing it. My hair is as close to it's natural color as it's been in years, and I've been toying with the idea of leaving it there, and growing it out rather than bleaching it to an impressive platinum. Am I even that girl anymore? I read a book today that had nothing to do with Law, and it reminded me of how much I love to read, among other things I had forgotten about myself. I think this semester, I will find myself again, and maybe find some new things to love.